Waking Up!

I've had a very good week! All week I:

• got out of bed in the morning.
• ate breakfast each day.
• drank at least 8 8 ounce glasses of water.
• walked at least 20 minutes, some days up to 50 minutes.
• was conscious about what I was eating, and ate only when hungry, not out of boredom.

The biggest benefit I have noticed from doing those five things consistently has been that I feel in control of my life again. I know a week isn't a long time, but I haven't been able to accomplish those five things for two days in a row let alone seven. I feel like I'm waking up from a weird coma in which I was conscious but unable to do anything to help myself. I'm waking up!

My challenge to myself for the coming week is to KEEP IT UP!

Wake UP!

I've been really stuck this week. I think my pajamas have bonded to my skin, and last week's challenge? FAIL!

But, I'm ready to try again. My friend had a couple of bad days and gave up too, so we're both going to start over. This time, we're going to keep better track of our days on paper, and if we don't meet our meager goals for the day we're just going to add another day to the end of our two weeks.

I tend to give up completely if I don't succeed perfectly. Perfection isn't the goal here, though, and I need to keep working on this because better self-care is an important and worthy objective.

I feel like I'm walking around in a bad dream. One of those dreams where you try to run but find your feet won't move, like you're stuck in quicksand.

Breaking Free

I've been thinking more about what I could add to my life and what needs replacing It could be a long list, but this is what immediately comes to mind:

• Replace some of the mindless time spent on the computer with painting - something I'm not great at, but love to do. For some reason I don't do it anymore.
• Add more water. I'm still struggling to make that a habit, but I'm working on that in a new way. (More on that later.)
• Add more fruits and vegetables.
• Add more sleep.
• Add vitamins.
• Replace negative self-talk with self respect and the truth.
• Add more Jesus. I don't know why I'm running from him right now when he's been so good for me in the past. I know I need him, but I ignore him.
• Add some exercise.
  
• Replace a few take out and fast food meals with meals cooked at home.
• Add a little routine, some structure to my day, or I should say, replace my current routine with one that works better for me.
• More sex. (Sorry, if that offends, but I love my husband, and this area of our marriage suffers because of my depression.)
  

These are some of the areas that I think need the most immediate attention.

I wonder if I'm even capable of breaking out of this cycle of chronic depression. I've had people, one a counselor I was seeing, tell me that maybe I'm one of those people who needs to be on medication for the rest of my life, but I can't or won't accept that as truth. I believe if I could just change some of my thought and behavior patterns that the brain chemistry would follow, and I could break out of this rut. It's my hope anyway.

So, how am I challenging myself this week? Well, a friend of mine, who faces similar challenges, and I are participating together in a two week challenge. Every day for the next two weeks we are going to, 1) eat breakfast, 2) drink at least 8 glasses of water a day, and 3) exercise in some way for 5 consecutive minutes.

These are very small requirements, I realize, but still very challenging for me, especially the "every day" part. Consistency is not something I've ever had a handle on.

At the end of two weeks, if we are both successful, we're going to reward ourselves somehow; a movie, a road trip, a visit to a museum, or something along those lines. It's day two of our challenge. I've had my breakfast, and I'm sitting here with a big glass of ice water. Now maybe I'll go slide up and down the hallway in my fluffy socks for 5 minutes!