Encouraged

I think it is time to do something about my weight. Being overweight is probably the single most depressing thing in my life, or is it just a symptom of being depressed? I think, like so many other things, it is a symptom that becomes one of the causes. In any case, for my health, for my peace of mind, for my self esteem I need to get serious about losing some weight.

I've been dabbling in weight loss for a while now, being careful with what I eat for a day or two and then running right back into the arms of potato chips - my lover or some cheesy gourmet dish and a couple glasses of wine - my other lover. Each indulgence leads to a string of them, and then I feel hopeless again.

I've been feeling differently lately. More ready, I guess, to stick with it, do what has to be done. A few weeks ago I checked out several books on CD, thinking I would listen to them while I walk on the treadmill, but a couple of days ago I took them back to the library. Last night I was wishing I had hung onto them because I really wanted to start walking today.

I figured I'd tackle the drudgery of walking with nothing to occupy my mind except my own self defeating thoughts. Then this morning I was driving my kids to school, and one of the books on CD slid out from under the passenger seat of my car. It must have fallen out of my library bag and never got returned. It's a small thing, but it was like a gift, an encouragement. So, I guess I'll go fire up the ol' treadmill and take a walk.

Balance

There are five areas of my life that I believe need regular attention, feeding and nurturing, in order for me to feel, happy, well, and energetic. They are:

1. Spirit
2. Mind
3. Physical Health
4. Physical Appearance
5. Physical Environment

They overlap and mesh together. If one area is neglected the others suffer too.

Nurturing my spirit means nurturing my faith, but it also means building and maintaining close friendships and family relationships. It means, regularly taking in beauty and regularly creating something beautiful whether with words, paint, or in decorating my house, which is one of the ways Spirit overlaps with Physical Environment. Maybe it means sometimes going someplace else for a fresh view, getting out in nature.

Feeding my mind means learning new things, participating in interesting conversation, reading, researching, exploring, and discovering. It also means answering the negative thoughts that plague me. To do that, I have to engage my spirit, and know who I am. Another overlap.

If my health is bad, of course the other areas suffer too. To keep myself healthy I need to eat well (and less!), move more, sleep, stretch, hydrate, and feed my mind and spirit.

When my appearance is in bad shape, my confidence decreases. I spend less time doing the things out in the world that keep me healthy in mind, body, and spirit. The negative thoughts that make my mind less healthy increase.

I experience a similar decline when my physical environment is out of order. When my house is messy or I am embarrassed by its condition I don't invite people over. I feel less like creating beautiful things, and forget decorating it! I tell myself I can't make time for me while I have so much housework to get done, so no exercise, no lounging around reading a good book, no going out, but I rebel and ignore the housework anyway.

Because of this overlap between all the areas of my life, I am jumping around with my challenges, taking little steps in each area instead of concentrating on only one. I used to think, "If I could just get physically healthy, everything else would fall into place," or "If I could just get my house perfectly organized I'd finally feel completely peaceful." I've gotten nowhere with that thinking, though, so instead I am aiming for balance, knowing that balance can be achieved even when, at times, one area needs all of my attention, so long as I remember to come back to the other areas when the crisis passes.

Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow.
Doug Firebaugh

Christmas Unwrapped

Well, I survived another Christmas. I am always stressed out in the days leading up to it because I want to make it special for my family. No matter what I do, it seems like it's not good enough, but then the day comes, and everyone is happy, and I can see that it's not about putting together a Martha Stewart-style grand event. It's about giving a little of yourself to people.

The get together with friends on Wednesday night was fun. I wore myself out cleaning and cooking, something I didn't have to do, but I couldn't help myself. Again, it's hard for me to achieve good enough in my mind. It was really nice to have the house all clean for Christmas Eve and Christmas day, though. Of course, it is completely trashed now, and I don't have the energy to deal with it. I stayed in bed till past noon today because I just couldn't bring myself to face the day.

Ups and downs. Life is full of them even when one is not depressed. I successfully did some Christmasing, as I had challenged myself to do, though, so that is good.

My next challenge will probably have something to do with my weight. Sigh.

Christmas? Not Feelin' It

I'm still working on the water drinking, although I didn't drink as much as I want to drink in a day today. I didn't spend any time on the computer, though, so my plan to piggyback the hydration habit onto another activity broke down. That's okay. I'll be back on the computer tomorrow, and I'll just make a bigger effort to grab some water on my days off.

My challenge for myself this week will be to do some "Christmasing." I've had a difficult time, as many people do this time of year, feeling merry and joyful. I don't feel sad. Just flat. This week I'm making a promise to myself to spend time with loved ones doing the Christmas thing.

In anticipation of the challenge, I invited a couple of close friends over this week to play games and have Christmas cookies and appetizers. I love entertaining, but it's something I haven't done in a long time because the effort involved seems like more than I can handle right now.

I'm feeling happy planning which cookies I'll bake and which snacks I'll serve. My friends are bringing things over too, and these are the kinds of friends that I can invite over without worrying too much about how clean the house is, so it will take an effort to get the house in shape, but I won't have to stress out over trying to make everything perfect.